All This Buttoning and Unbuttoning Album
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EP Album
All This Buttoning and Unbuttoning
“inspired by the haunting final words of an anonymous 18th-century note, this EP is a visceral look at the 'mimicry of life' and the weight of 'heavy lead upon the heart'. The buttons scatter on the floor. The mercy ends exactly now.”
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Tracklist
01
possession
04:13
possession
the lake was glass before you threw the stone
not to see the splash, but to make the ripples known
you liked the way the water moved to suit your hand
like every wave was a soldier waiting for command
you "discovered" me? like i didn't exist before?
like i was just a shoreline waiting for your war?
and i was just a valley, quiet and green
waiting to see what "devotion" was supposed to mean
i thought you were a pilgrim, come to worship at the shrine
but you were just a prospector, checking for the land
you praised the "virgin timber" and the "unspoiled view,"
then started carving initials—mostly "property of you.”
you didn't come for love; you came for the right
it’s a conquest, draped in a soft, silk white
but it’s a flag planted in a chest that’s still beating
a "hello" that’s just the start of a retreating
you used to call me mine—the sweetest part of speech
until i realized i was just a fruit within your reach
see, there’s the mine that means "belonging," soft and gold
and then there’s the mine where the earth is ripped and sold
you’re digging for the silver in the lining of my chest
not to hold the metal, but to hollow out the rest
and i was just a valley, quiet and green
waiting to see what "devotion" was supposed to mean
but it’s a flag planted in a chest that’s still beating
a "hello" that’s just the start of a retreating
you used to call me mine—the sweetest part of speech
until i realized i was just a fruit within your reach
see, there’s the mine that means "belonging," soft and gold
and then there’s the mine where the earth is ripped and sold
you’re digging for the silver in the lining of my chest
not to hold the metal, but to hollow out the rest
wordsworth saw the daffodils and let them simply be
but you’d pick the whole damn field just to say they’re not for me
you’re an expert in topography — you know my every fault
but you’re only looking for the places you can erode
is it love if you have to win?
is it home if you’re breaking in?
but it’s a flag planted in a chest that’s still beating
a "hello" that’s just the start of a retreating
you used to call me mine—the sweetest part of speech
until i realized i was just a fruit within your reach
see, there’s the mine that means "belonging," soft and gold
and then there’s the mine where the earth is ripped and sold
you’re digging for the silver in the lining of my chest
not to hold the metal, but to hollow out the rest
the lake was glass before you threw the stone
now it’s ripples i can’t call my own
02
walk until it hurts
03:29
walk until it hurts
the moors don't tend
don't mend or end
i am the bleed the hoof the weed
the thing the sky forgot
my boots are heavy full of grit
the arch of the foot goes tight
a sudden insistent pull to keep the soul upright
i don't know what i'm looking for
the not knowing is the walk
so i will walk until it hurts
walk until the feeling stops
walk until it ends
i count my steps
one and one and one
step and step and step again
till heel and sinew burn
i crave the blank indifference
i did nothing to earn
the hills are old and very cold
i like the way the wind hits
hard like a flat hand
it doesn't know my name it doesn't understand
i am dragging a mile of wet wool
the hem of the day is frayed and brown
i don't know what i'm looking for
the not knowing is the walk
so i will walk until it hurts
walk until the feeling stops
walk until it ends
i count my steps
one and one and one
step and step and step again
till heel and sinew burn
i crave the blank indifference
i did nothing to earn
ah
my ribs are a cage too small for the panic
beating its wings
you wanted a garden rows order names i am a weed thriving on neglect
i checked the horizon for an ending
it was just a seam in the gray
the steps outnumber everything i used to hold
just the walking until the walking is the only thing left in the skin
so i will walk until it hurts
walk until the feeling stops
walk until it ends
i count my steps
one and one and one
step and step and step again
till heel and sinew burn
i crave the blank indifference
i did nothing to earn
03
the cost of staying inside
04:36
the cost of staying inside
i turned the latch a small copper click
the room is a bowl i am filling with myself
dusts build a soft gray skin
over the things you touched
to clean it would be
to admit you were here
i don't open the blinds the sun is too loud
it wants me to do something
with my hands
my throat is a rusted hinge
the few words i have left
stay behind my teeth
they're starting to taste
like copper and old air
tongue is a thick stranger
and no one else is there but you
i hoard my own occasion
as misers count their gold
afraid that spending vision
makes the spirit old
i don't open the blinds the sun is too loud
it wants me to do something
with my hands
my throat is a rusted hinge
the few words i have left
stay behind my teeth
they're starting to taste
like copper and old air
tongue is a thick stranger
and no one else is there but you
i have lived so long in silence
i've forgotten if i'm good
the soul grows heavy pungent
with nothing to exchange
and i become the monster
of my own range
my throat is a rusted hinge
the few words i have left
stay behind my teeth
they're starting to taste
like copper and old air
to think the world suffers
for the lack of my face
when really it just continues
i saved the heart from breaking
and now it will not beat
04
treading on lilies
03:57
treading on lilies
the petal underneath the boot
is happier unsung
a smile is but a scaffolding
to prop the hollow guest
i'd rather watch the timber crack
and let the ruin rest
the bread is ash upon the plate
i will not butter it
i like the sound of what i break
the only truth i didn't fake
the lilies bore no fragrance
save what i lent the stem
i find a certain vigor now
in treading over them
the heel is firm, the stem is slight
i'm treading out the borrowed light
no need to ask for why or how
the mercy ends exactly now
the garden was a pretty noose
i've finally unspun
i like the way the lilies look
when forced against the mud
it is a pale atonement now
to spill the flower's blood
the bread is ash upon the plate
i will not butter it
i like the sound of what i break
the only truth i didn't fake
the lilies bore no fragrance
save what i lent the stem
i find a certain vigor now
in treading over them
the heel is firm, the stem is slight
i'm treading out the borrowed light
no need to ask for why or how
the mercy ends exactly now
the softness was a borrowed dress
that never fit the bone
i've cast it to the corner now
to stand in skin alone
i've read the middle of the book
and prefer to sleep alone
the lilies bore no fragrance
save what i lent the stem
i find a certain vigor now
in treading over them
i'm treading out the borrowed light
no need to ask for why or how
the mercy ends exactly now
05
all this buttoning and unbuttoning
03:53
all this buttoning and unbuttoning
the morning grey inquisitor
steps through the door to ask once more
for me to lift the heavy vest
and bind the breath within the chest
the linen stiff upon the chair
it waits, a pale and empty snare
i touch the thread, i touch the bone
and feel the weight of every stone
why mimic life? why act the part?
with heavy lead upon the heart?
the repetition breaks the mind
leaving the garment loose behind
all this buttoning and unbuttoning
this futile, vile, and endless thing
it wears the finger thin and frail
it turns the living spirit pale
oh, to be a seam that rips apart!
to let the cold air rush into the heart!
no hooks to hold, no eyes to watch the strain
just unraveling in the sudden rain
i want to lie unfastened on the grass
and watch the heavy seasons pass
my hands refuse the topmost stud
a sudden stilling of the blood
why mimic life? why act the part?
with heavy lead upon the heart?
the repetition breaks the mind
leaving the garment loose behind
all this buttoning and unbuttoning
this futile, vile, and endless thing
it wears the finger thin and frail
it turns the living spirit pale
the pendulum swings
up at dawn, down at dusk
fasten. loosen
fasten. loosen
why mimic life? why act the part?
with heavy lead upon the heart?
the repetition breaks the mind
leaving the garment loose behind
all this buttoning and unbuttoning
this futile, vile, and endless thing
it wears the finger thin and frail
it turns the living spirit pale
undone
the weaving spun
the habit gone
the buttons scatter
on the floor
and i shall fasten them
no more